I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
