iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
