at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
