my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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