yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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