the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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