OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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