Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
