Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
