AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she pinky promised me she was 18
i came on her dog
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
