i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
