my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
