I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
