I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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