You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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