i jhust puked up my retainher.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
