I'm really into asian looking animals
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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