Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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