he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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