obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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