I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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