Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
