I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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