I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
