I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
