Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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