There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
