I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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