i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
