we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
