I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
