my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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