It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
