I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
