It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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