if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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