return my video game
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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