its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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