i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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