Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
