ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
