They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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