The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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