Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
