Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
