But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
