The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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