If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
