Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
