Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dignity is for republicans.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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