hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
