She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
