Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
