I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
