I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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