ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
