I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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