Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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