I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
