i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
