Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
